By: Willete Thomas

The moment I knew SaBrina had something to tell me … was the moment I knew exactly what she was going to tell me … but it was also the moment I knew “IT WOULD BE WELL!

She shared the news and as a friend and sister I stood flat footed knowing, “IT WILL BE WELL!” That night after she told me I cried my 1st and last tears … I let go of every emotion of me…I let go of my hurt for her, her husband, her children, her Mom even the hurt of friends and church members … I let myself let it all go. And when I was done, I put on strength for my sister and made a vow I would be there for her as best I could. At the time I was working 3rd shift so technically I had the availability to be there but of course that would come with a set of challenges on its own but I was determined to be there.

What was my definition of being there…?

I wanted to be a support, a shoulder for her to lean on and cry on…a safe place for her to be vulnerable and honest about her emotions.

I offered to go with her to her appointments, especially when her family couldn’t or she felt the need to protect them by not letting them hear all the gory details.

I wanted to just be there for WHATEVER she needed at the moment she needed it.

My honest concerns about being there…

• I did not want her family to feel like I was evading their space, I did not want them to feel any type of way (negatively) about my support. I only wanted to help and support her while she was trying to shelter and safe guard them.

How did being there look…

• I met her at her doctor’s appointments …I became a scribe… I listened and wrote down what the doctors stated.

• I tried to maintain this wall of silence but there were times she asked my opinion or she asked if I had further questions and there were times when we talked that I would remember for her what to ask or state a concern. But it never became about my thoughts or concerns.

• The most important thing I did was silently prayed! It was a lot of information that was given to her in a short period of time and it was a lot of decisions that had to made in a short period of time and this wife, mother, daughter and sister had a family to go home too and explain all that was explained to her so they could understand all that was going on as well as understand her decision.

My Personal Advice & Honest Moments…

• Be a great listener and better observer … hear the doctors but watch her … hear her heart of pain an concern but watch her be strength and hope.

• Know your limitations … (ex. After the surgery she no longer needed a scribe….doctor’s appointments turned into chemo appointments…SaBrina begin to see the strength of her family and she was no longer needing to shelter and protect them)… Now was the time to build the village: those friends/church member etc. that are in the medical field who can assist with all things medical…those who could cook or purchase a meal…those who could help clean…BUT keep in mind not to overwhelm her or the family … to communicate with her and a family member to alleviate overwhelming them and causing chaos. Order and Peace!

• Changing of the guards…so this was hard for me (just being honest lol) as SaBrina shifted to chemo others who had experienced chemo became her support and what better person, there were times when family members wanted to be that support and rightfully so but as a care giver you care and all you want to do is give but we as care givers have to know when it’s time to shift to the next care giver

ry important lesson, please don’t forget this one!)

Caregiving is personality driven as well as need driven. Most likely you will know the person you are caring for but keep in mind this person is going through something life altering so they may not be who you are use too; so tailor the care to what they need. When they need to laugh, when you both should be crying … get in a good laugh … SaBrina and I laughed at times when I promise you we should have been crying. Make it fun when you can … I purchased us matching T-shirts one time and we took selfies like we were 16yrs old … be ok when they ask for your advice its ok to answer they just need to hear someone else … even when you know they drove away crying instead of crying in front of you… its ok because guess what that’s what they needed!

My last statement will be my definition of a Caregiver…its God’s heart in action… God is gentle He is kind He is patient He gives unconditional blessings … He is Love … so Love them enough to care and Care enough to give a little of your time.